From S's Mouth

Chimichangas

2007-11-07T16:09:00.001-08:00

Lamenting being a nerd:
"Why can't I be like all the popular girls?! Oh, because I'd have herpes. That makes sense."

Sure Sure Sure

2007-11-05T18:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah, she says this now:
(6:21:07 PM) s: i wish backrubs were like sex.
(6:21:16 PM) s: i need backrubs more than sex.
(6:21:44 PM) s: if backrubs were more like sex, i could probably convince people to give me backrubs more.

nothing much new

2007-10-24T17:07:00.001-07:00

Update time:

As one of the guys sneaks up on her:
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I don't like getting shit stuck in my ear."

This blog is really about two things...

2007-10-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

...boobs and dick. So here is another installment of dear Miss S. talking about the two.

"If I were a lesbian, I'd totally date my boobs"

One of the guys just said that he wish he had breasts to which the reply was:
"I wish I had a cock. That would make jerking off easy."

Gee, I wonder what is on her mind.

2007-09-10T15:48:00.000-07:00

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are now available in the Cafeteria. A brief exchange:

a: what I always forget about pb&j is that it is so sticky and messy
s: that's always what i forget about sex, but I love it anyway.

Going out on a Friday with a single friend:
"It's Friday night! Why aren't you sitting on someone's lap... but not mine"

Trekkie

2007-08-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since there was an update. Mostly it's been because I haven't had a chance to take notes while out. This week, Mr. Badass door man gave me a coaster to write on, so everyone can thank him for this update!

S decides to stea a chair from another party after being told she couldn't sit more people at our table. This is her reaction when the doorman tries to stop her:
"I'm bating my eyes at you!"

This is a completely normal 3rd Stop converstation:
"I had a crush on William Shatner when I was younger. Who wouldn't Want to fuck the captain of the Starship Enterprise?!"

yeah, it's been a while

2007-08-16T01:47:00.001-07:00

So I know I haven't posted anything in a long while but I am now. Enjoy!

S's reaction a friend canceling on going out for beers:
"She's a total beer tease! It's like a cock tease only worse, because it's beer!"

One day her boobs were looking particularly awesome and she was shocked:
"What have I done to deserve boobs like these?! I'm not that good of a person. I must have saved puppies in a past life."

Her pick-up line:
"Hey baby, talk steak to me"

This one is pretty self-explanatory:
"I really don't need alcohol if I have McDonald's."

Not a Cockblock

2007-08-06T15:56:00.000-07:00

"Just so you know, I will never cock block you. If I do, call me on it. In addition to never cockblocking you, I will also be your wingman. If the cute guy has an ugly friend, I will divert!"

Shoes

2007-08-05T17:54:00.000-07:00

S: i want fuck me heels.
S: actually, no.
S: I want you can't fuck me heels which are even better than fuck me heels.

Banana

2007-08-01T19:32:00.001-07:00

Banana

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a: I wish bananas didn't go bad
(7:28:09 PM)
(7:28:18 PM) s: that one will never go bad.
(7:28:22 PM) s: it's a goooood banana.
(7:28:28 PM) a: it's too thinck and veiny?
(7:28:43 PM) s: well, veiny is kinda gross.
(7:28:47 PM) a: yes it is
(7:28:50 PM) s: but I have no complaints about thick.
(7:28:53 PM) a: but the type of vein
(7:28:55 PM) s: Well, actually...I do.
(7:29:04 PM) a: it's also pretty long
(7:29:08 PM) a: and thick
(7:29:11 PM) a: it's impressive
(7:29:14 PM) s: definitely no complaints about long.
(7:29:34 PM) s: Yeah. I'm giving up men, I'm just going to fuck bananas now.

She's Back!

2007-07-30T17:44:00.000-07:00

So there were some complaints about the lack of updates. It's now updated

S:I'm making bootycall plans over im. this is the 21st century.

S:one hour in.
S:I want whiskey.
S:fries and whiskey.

needs:
"I need cock, but I can't give that to myself."

Whiskey or Sex?:
"I either need whiskey or sex."

Woot Corporate World!

2007-07-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

In a meeting -
Manager: Are you taking notes?
Shing: No I'm drawing a naked woman.

Attempting to kick someone:
"Oh, I kicked your hand. I was totally aiming for your ass."

The Cafe

2007-07-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

On her youth:
"All I wanted was an easy bake oven. But no, I got to play with resistors"

All in reference to the bad food from the cafeteria upstairs:

"Hey want to see my Bagel herpies?"

"In retrospect dorm food wasn't that bad"

"My new goal is to only eat breakfast foods from the Cafeteria"

A Small Update:

2007-07-18T00:46:00.000-07:00

On growing up:
"It's a good thing that grownup land has beer, otherwise I'd be a nervous wreck."

On Competition for an apartment:
"Fuck Strippers." (refering to the women who viewed the apartment after her)
"I'm going to cross my fingers their credit sucks"

On Power Point:
"I know you're better than cutesy power point transition animations. Don't prove me wrong."

Vegan Chocolate Cake:
"bah"
5 seconds later - "Baaaaah!"
1 minute later "Baaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

Another Night, Another Beer

2007-07-14T15:33:00.000-07:00

Third Stop has been providing us with some memorable quotes. Here is a bit of the crap that spewed forth:

On her desk job:
"WOOT! Corporate World!"

Why women don't go to need 'skank hookers':
"We're girls, we can charge for it"

Why we needed to leave the bar:
"We gotta go back now. My boyfriend wants to fuck me."

To some dude with a band profile:
"Don't use adders!"

Just another night

2007-07-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

So I've slacked on this blog for hte past two days. We are considering moving this blog to notawhore.com, does this sound like a good idea?

And now, what you have all been waiting for, more Shing quotes from her night out earlier in the week:

Not her career choice:
"We don't do secretary."

Why she uses honey chapstick:
"Something about a minty cock"

Shing educating the guys on women:
"Women are not that complicated"

Answering the question - "Why is this person texting me?":
"Did you fuck her"

Seriously, who doesn't?:
"I like hookers and blow"

Shing in a tired haze the next day:
"oh, awesomest thing ever, second to hot shower + cold beer, is laptop, while in bathroom. I know it sounds gross, but I'm not actually pooping anymore, and I have a fluffy toilet seat cover. It's just really comfy."

Also part of the tired haze:
"fell asleep next to a paint tray today"

2007-07-10T00:19:00.000-07:00

Since I am not going to the Playboy Mansion anymore, I'm going to stay up and update with more awesome Shing quotes:

On an ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend:
"That was a downgrade. My boobs are much better."

The Shing Technique for getting her boyfriend to answer the phone:
"If you want your cock in my mouth you should answer the phone."

Men:
"I hate it when men cockblock themselves."

Do you suck dick? :
"yes, but not very well because of TMJ issues."

On her social skills:
Shing: my bar social skills are so bad.
Shing: i'm a shitty flirt.
Shing: and surprisingly, alcohol does not help.

Why she blogs:
"I don't have many adventures, but when I do, I try to write about them so that when I die and all that's left of me is a journal - I might seem more interesting."

About a date:
"Yeah, it's cute, but I was promised cock."

On New York women being prettier than LA women:
"Well, they get less sun so they rot slower"

Random
Allison: are you more of a parking meter or a mailbox?
6:33:13 PM Shing: Mailbox. I don't accept money for favours, and when I do, it'd better be as much as a rent check.

On her boots:
"my hooker boots are as much a part of me as....my spleen."

Stay tuned for quotes dedicated to nerds.

2007-07-08T16:37:00.000-07:00

In reference to hooking up with people:
"You are what you do"

Something Shing wants to do before she dies:
"Someone out of my league"

On drugs:
"Don't do any drugs that cannot be baked into a brownie"

On break-ups:
Shing (10:21:56 PM): I dumped James in an email while he was bootcamp.
Shing (10:22:00 PM): And Hans over IM.
Shing(10:22:04 PM): So I'm a cruel bitch

2007-07-08T00:54:00.000-07:00

Famous Last Words:
"Have you ever heard of LARPing?"

2007-07-08T00:12:00.000-07:00

It was a long time coming folks, but here it is. Documentation of the strange stuff Shing says. This blog will keep you updated on all the random things that this lovely woman mentions.

If you have ever met Shing, you know know she tends to say whatever comes to mind. I have first hand experience with this phenomena as I lived with her for a year during college and now work with her 5 days a week. Thanks to this, there will never be a shortage of stuff to post!